Our Little Snowman

Thanksgiving Round Two

We had such a great time on Thanksgiving. Justin has 5 brothers and there are 9 grandsons so there is always plenty of roughhousing going on. Jackson just sat back and watched the action this year, but I am sure he will dive in before long. We were all checking out the Black Friday adds to wake up early and shop. Thanks for going with me Nat and Cynthia you guys are the best

Thanksgiving Round One, and Uncle Brent

This year we had Thanksgiving dinner with my side of the family on Sunday. We usually go to both families all in the same day so it was nice to break it up this year. When we walked into my Mom and Dad's house my brother who lives in Bolivia was standing in the kitchen. It was such a nice surprise to see him there. The only person he told was my oldest brother so he could get a ride from the airport. Unfortunately his wife could not make it but it was so great to have the whole family there, minus Jhovana who is still in Bolivia.
Jackson was in such a good mood and loving all the attention he always gets around family. My family discovered that he hates olives. They kept handing an olive to him only to watch him throw it across the table. We will work on manners next year.
We are so lucky to have both our families around. The holidays can get super busy but we wouldn't have it any other way.

A Birthmother's Love

I love this video. I don't know this girl but I think she does a great job explaining adoption from a birthmother's side. I love birthmother's more than I could ever explain. I especially love Jackson's birthmother. She is not only Jackson's birthmother (although that alone is a beautiful and sacred title) she is my friend and part of our family. We are so blessed to have her in our lives. We love and miss you girl!

Halloween Madness

Halloween was a two week long event for us this year. Justin and I had three Halloween parties and Jackson was invited to three himself. My cute niece Ryan threw a party for all of her younger cousins and neighbors. Jackson loved bobbin' for apples. By the time Halloween actually came our "little bat" was so tired.

National Adoption Month!

November is National Adoption Month. So this month I am going to be making posts about adoption in addition to our other posts. As all of you know I am very passionate about adoption and I am excited to share my passion with you.

Gardener Village with Grandma

I keep thinking that Gardener Village is a fun place to take Jackson but really it is just a big pain. You can't take strollers in anywhere and when you have a toddler with no fear and thinks it is great to run off they are a must. At least we got some really cute pictures!

Justin's 32 Birthday

For Justin's 32nd birthday we had some friends over and did a minute to win it night. I don't know if you have seen that show or not but it is a blast to watch and play. Jackson liked it as well. he found the extra oreo's from the cookie face game and went to town.

The State Fair

Back in September we went to the State Fair with my mom and dad and some friends. Jackson had a great time looking at Grandpa's chicken at the fair. He doesn't know how lucky he is yet that he got to hold one because it was his Grandpa's.

Everything Happens For A Reason

We have had a very crazy couple of months. I will put pictures up of everything we have been doing soon but for now here is the explanation of my disappearance. Justin is in the middle of big career changes which we are very excited for. We just wish we had a crystal ball to tell us which change is going to be best for our family. We know everything happens when and how it should.

The other big thing that took a lot of our emotional energy is something that is very personal. I feel I need to write it all down and share it to really appreciate the beauty in our trails. Here is our story.

Justin was working on a project for a while where he was working nights. One night when he was gone I had realized that it had been a while since my monthly gift had arrived so I decided to pack up Jackson and go get a pregnancy test. I went back and forth on getting one (okay maybe five) because I did not want to get my hopes up one more time. We came home and I took it, immediately the two lines showed. I was shocked, I started talking to myself and just kept saying, "no way." Jackson thought it was very funny and followed me around the house laughing as I was taking in the reality that I was pregnant. I was just about to call Justin at work when I wanted to make sure, so I began to drink cup after cup of water(I felt a little like Juno for those of you who have seen that movie). Took another test and as clear as day two lines again. So I picked up the phone and called Justin. This was the conversation.
Justin: Hello
Me: I am pregnant.
Justin: What?!?!
Me: Yep I am pregnant.
He was as shocked as I was. So the next few weeks were filled with such excitement in our home. We had called our social worker just a few weeks prior to start the adoption process again so we were very ready to welcome a new baby in our home. I went out and bought pregnancy books and began to eat super healthy. I tried to do everything perfectly. I was so sick and I kept telling Justin how I never thought that being so sick would make me so happy.
The day of our first doctors appointment came and that morning I had that gut feeling that something was wrong. Justin thought I was being paranoid given we have been infertile for 5 years. The doctor came in and was so excited for us as well. It was time to hear the baby's heartbeat we were so excited but we heard nothing. So the doctor got us in for an ultrasound right away. Justin and Jackson left the room because Jack was wanting to touch everything. As the ultrasound tech and I sat there there in silence I knew that stupid gut feeling was right. The baby had stopped growing. The doctor came in and told us the news. The hardest part was looking up and seeing Justin's face of pure disappointment. Being the man Justin is the whole time he was so concerned, and still is, about how I was feeling when I could clearly see he was hurting too. When it was time to leave I could not bring myself to go out the front door where there were expectant moms in the waiting room. I went in being one of them and was leaving not being one. So i snuck out the back.
We got home and told ourselves that we would give ourselves the rest of the day for a pitty party. When I got home and saw all the healthy pregnancy food and dog eared pregnancy books on the night stand I went from sad to mad. Why did I have to get pregnant in the first place. We had wrapped that chapter up and thrown it away, we were a confident infertile couple. (My sweet sister in law told me that it had been re-gifted to me.) Then I realized how can I be mad, if it wasn't for our infertility and our struggles to build a family we would not have our beautiful brown eyed little boy.
I don't understand so many things in life but one thing that I know is that everything happens for a reason. I know that there is another precious little one that is going to be part of our family some day and I don't need to know how or when. I know that our Heavenly Father has a bigger plan than we understand for each of us. I know that going though the pain of our miscarriage is only helping me be the woman I am meant to become. I am so lucky to be a mother and I can't imagine my life going any other way. So for now we are a happy family of three looking forward to see what life brings us.
P.S. I had heard horror stories of getting a DandC and it was not bad at all. I never wish that upon anyone but if you ever need one for a miscarriage no worries!

6 years!

Saturday was our 6th anniversary. We have been so busy lately and Justin has been working on a job that has required a lot of his time. So all we wanted to do is spend the whole day together. We first took Jackson to the zoo which he absolutely loved. Of course his favorite were the wolves because they looked just like dogs. Then my sister watched Jackson for us so we could go out together.
I love celebrating our anniversary I have the most amazing husband in the world. This is super cheesy but so true I knew I wanted to be with him forever from the very start. Little did I know just how happy he would make me. We have gone though a lot in the last six years and there is nobody else in this world that I want to share those ups and downs with. I am so lucky to be his wife. Love you Justin can't wait to see what then next six years will bring with you!

Truck Luvs!

Jackson loves this little black truck he gives it hugs and kisses all day. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa for the great gift it is a hit!

Running/Fisrt Word

Jackson has now decided that he has the walking thing down and is trying to run. He is still very wobbly with walking so to see him try to run is very entertaining. He falls down after two steps and gets super mad. The other day he tried to run for 30 min straight. This boy has some serious determination. It ended in giant tears when he realized his body was not going to do what he wanted.
Jackson says Mama and Dada but he said his official first word last week. Drum-roll please. It is "Got ca" or also know as got ya. He thinks it is so funny. He loves to play hide n seek and tackle with us and we always say got ya. So last week he thought it was his turn. Yesterday when I was doing the dishes he came up behind me grabbed my leg and said "got ca" followed by him laughing. We are loving getting to know who is inside of his little body.

Jackson's 1st birthday party pictures!

I know this is a little late but here it is. Jackson's party was so much fun! All of our friends and family came and spoiled Jack rotten (even though we said no gifts please nobody listened). When I was a kid my mom made birthdays a big deal and always made us a birthday cake of whatever we wanted. She was a professional cake decorator so we had some pretty great cakes. I wanted to follow the same tradition for Jackson and he loves animals so I made him a farm animal cake. When I was making it I really wished I would have payed more attention to my mom when she tried to show me how to decorate. She received a lot of phone calls that day. Right before the party started it got super windy and rainy so we had to move it partially inside and a few things got destroyed but it was such a great day despite the setbacks.












I love this last picture! He looks like he is sick from sugar overload. Poor little guy!

Rainy Days

It has been really rainy around here the past few days. This picture was taken the day we got home with Jackson. When I saw this rainbow that day it made me feel that our storm was over. I really do love the rain but my day yesterday made me rethink that thought. So the past couple of days I have been super sick. So we did not go anywhere. I was feeling a little better and needed to get to the store to get more sippy cups for Jackson because we just got rid of the bottle. I looked outside and it was raining a tiny bit no big deal right? So I packed Jackson up and headed out. As I started driving it started pouring like crazy. I could not see anything. My windows began to fog up so I turned on the defrost and it was not working fast enough so I hurried and rolled down the window. Thinking I would get a little wet but at least I would be able to see. As I rolled down the window a huge truck was coming the opposite way and my car was engulfed with muddy water. Jackson and I were drenched. Jackson did not cry he yelled like he was totally irritated. I felt the same way but all I could do at that point was laugh. My shirt that was once white was now brown and my hair was full of mud but we still made it to the store in all our glory. Love rainy summer days!

The Miracle Of Adoption

We would not be celebrating Jackson's 1st birthday if it weren't for the miracle of adoption and Jackson's birth parents. I would feel ungrateful if I didn't acknowledge the beauty of that miracle. We always felt that adoption would be a part of our life and we did not realize how truly amazing adoption is until we experienced it first hand.
I never thought I would say this but I am truly grateful for our infertility. There are still times that it slaps me around a little bit, but it is few and far between now. I know that there are conversations I will never be a part of and I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have felt Jackson kick inside of me (but that is a bond between Jackson and his BM that I would NEVER take from them) I now see a pregnant woman and often think how lucky I am to experience the great love of a birth mother. I feel so lucky that I get to have Jackson's BM in my life. We are connected for life and the gratitude and love Justin and I feel for her is something that words could never express. I know that everything happens for a reason and I am so happy that adoption is the way our family is to be formed.
One year ago today we got the news that Jackson was born. It was the middle of the night when we got a text from our BM that she was in labor and on her way to the hospital. When I heard this I was literally running all over the house wanting to be there so badly. We already had plane tickets for the next day. We tried to change them but the airport we were flying into is small so we could not get out there any sooner. Then a few hours later we got the call that our sweet baby boy was born. We wanted to be there so bad but we didn't make it to the hospital until nine that night. We were a wreck all day. We knew he was in good hands though which helped a ton. He was with his birth parents who love him. When we got to the hospital nobody could have prepared me enough for that moment when we met our son for the first time. I think I felt a million different emotions. I felt overwhelming love for this sweet baby who I had dreams of having for years. I also felt so heartbroken for his birth parents. I wanted so badly to take their pain away and knowing that there was nothing I could do broke my heart. There was a very sweet and precious moment in the hospital that I will never forget. It was just the five of us in the room and Justin and I were holding our sweet little miracle and Jackson's birth parents were across from us holding each other. I looked up and saw his BM looking down at Jackson with the most beautiful look of love I have ever seen. At that moment I felt such an overwhelming feeling of love, humility, and gratitude. It is a look I will never forget and a story I will tell Jackson of often of how that quiet dark room was filled with so much love, all for him. I am in aw of the loving sacrifice Jackson's birth parents made. They are so dear to our hearts. They made us parents and most importantly made us a family. We love you guys!